Been thinking alot about Grandma.

I called her yesterday....I heard she was back in the nursing home....didn't talk for very long, it was lunch time.

She didn't sound the same. Usually I'm greeted with an excited "Oh, Hi Honey!" and it was............."hi honey" in an all-you-could-do-to-talk voice. Heartwrenching.

I just loudly told her that I loved her very much and wanted her to get better. I did ask her how she was and she replied......"groggy". I told her I'd call her again soon and that she should try to eat, then we both said goodbye. The phone wasn't hung up right away so I got to listen in to the background..........not a whole lot going on.........I did hear her nurse come in and say "Jeanette......Jeanette honey, are you going to eat any more? Did you have a nice talk?" click
So, at least her nurse is nice to her.

I know what's going on with my Grandma, and though it's a natural part of life......I don't like it. I'm quite sure no one else does either. I am, however, SO freakin' glad I went to Illinois this summer. I wasn't sure if I was actually going, but the push felt urgent. Now I know why. That, and Andrea's situation couldn't have been more perfect. (the timing) Being able to help as much as I could with Cale and give support. ....................So that's what I cling to with this situation. I'm sure my next visit will be bittersweet.

I hope Grandma knows the Lord.......I mean really knows that Jesus died on the cross for her so that she can be forgiven and go to Heaven, that he's her savior. I'm going to look into that, maybe ask that a priest/preacher can talk with her soon to make sure. ...............Not last rights...........but find out if she's right with God.

For now, I'm just praying that she gets better. And that if it is her time, that it's easy and peaceful. (But I'd rather selfishly keep her around awhile longer)